Why “Fake It Until You Make It” Keeps So Many Women Stuck
“Fake it until you make it’ has never sat right with me. It’s something I’ve tried, time and time again… and spectacularly failed. And as I learn more and more about our emotional landscape and the nervous system, I can now understand why faking it feels so wrong and rarely works without looking at what is really behind what is holding you back.
The body is so wise and knows when something isn’t true yet, so trying to fake or force often just creates a disconnect between what the mind is trying to believe and what the nervous system is sensing.
Forcing anything, whether that be confidence, calm, certainty, happiness is performance. You are trying to act like a version of yourself before your body feels safe to be that way. Underneath the surface, the nervous system is braced, anticipating rejection, failure, danger… it is still trying to protect. And all of that holding back, bracing and protection takes A LOT of energy. It’s physically exhausting as well as energetically, that tension runs deep through every muscle, organ and cell of your body, flooded by stress hormones that never get a chance to return to their baseline. Ultimately, this over a prolonged period can lead to real physical health conditions.
In my opinion, faking it is just suppression of emotions, holding back the energy of something that is calling to be heard and understood. That energy doesn’t just disappear, it stays and builds in layers and layers.
What’s the answer?
Theres nothing wrong in wanting something different, wanting to be different, visualising the future in a different way. But the missing piece for me is, becoming aware of and creating the space for the part of you that still wants to hold you back. The part of you that is scared to be seen, or heard, the part that is still bracing beneath the fake smile. The part that still feels that they need to be a different way to be accepted.
The goal for me isn’t to “fake it until you make” it, It’s to feel safe enough in your body that there’s nothing left to perform. And with this comes a resilience and flexibility in your nervous system, whereby it can function as it was also meant to. Responding appropriately and transitioning between activation and regulation with flexibility.
Where you can start.
Get curious and notice what your body is holding instead of pushing past it. Begin to understand your patterns. Learn how to stay connected to yourself instead of overriding yourself. Repeat and be patient. When you begin working with the body instead of against it, something shifts. You become less reactive, less exhausted from trying to perform and hold yourself together all the time. And over time you build something so much more than performance: self-trust and self-connection.
This is one of the reasons I care so deeply about nervous system work and somatic practices.
And it’s exactly why I created Begin with Clarity.
Three mornings each week, we meet live for a gentle body-based practice using somatic movement, meditation, EFT tapping, and reflection. Not to fix yourself or to become someone else, but to reconnect to yourself before the world reaches you.
To build more flexibility and resilience within your nervous system.
To create a steadier internal baseline.
To learn how to return to your body throughout the day, especially in moments where you would usually leave yourself. So that when stress arises, when difficult conversations happen and when old patterns surface, you have somewhere within yourself to come back to.
The next month of Begin with Clarity is open. Find out more here.
And if you’ve been feeling the exhaustion of constantly performing, pushing, or holding it all together internally, this might be a gentle place to begin.
I would love to welcome you.
Michelle x