Coming home to myself …and a tale of two dreams

Firstly, allow me to share with you two recurring dreams, one I experienced over and over in childhood and the second that comes to me time and time again in adulthood. Both have always seemed connected to me as they both involve ‘home’.

My childhood dream… I’m travelling through the sky, in the clouds. Its pink all around me, I’m on a sort of moving travellator, we’re going really fast. I’m scared, I don’t know where I’m going but I’ve left my home and I want to go back.

My adult dream… I’m travelling, away from home and trying to get back but I never make it. I’m always in another place, an airport, a station, the journey is never ending and full of obstacles. There is a sense of panic, I’m not where I should be and can’t get there. I never reach my home.

Have you ever had that feeling of not feeling quite at home no matter where you are? I have, and recently it dawned on me that this feeling of never being quite settled has been with me a long time. No matter where I lived, whatever country, location, flat, house, I was never ‘home’ and it seemed I was forever hoping the next move would be ‘the one’.

But home isn’t a place on a map. I’ve realised it’s a journey I’ve been walking myself along having answered a much deeper call that whispered “Come home”.

Home is the quiet recognition of the soul beneath the noise of who we’ve been taught to be. My journey of coming home to myself began the moment I understood it wasn’t about trying to fix myself ~ and started listening instead.

Coming home to your soul self, your SELF, the true YOU isn’t about becoming someone new, it’s about unlearning who we thought we needed to be to be accepted. Underneath the patterns of people pleasing, perfectionism, the need to stay small and fear of failure is a self that is whole, wise ~ and waiting.

To reach that self, we must meet and begin to understand the beliefs and behaviours we’ve adopted along the way. These patterns, often formed in childhood or times of trauma, are not who we are, they are protective armour, scripts and masks. Harsh self-criticism and emotional avoidance are not personality traits. They are survival mechanisms created by much younger versions of us that were trying to feel safe. Coming home means acknowledging and witnessing them with compassion, listening to what they have to say, not exiling them. And with that awareness, we can begin the beautiful work of unravelling, integrating and rewiring, allowing space for new truths to take root.

What I have learnt is that coming home to yourself isn’t a one-time event. It is a daily practice to truth, compassion, presence and trust. Its learning to give yourself the same kindness that you so easily give to others. And in doing so, you don’t just return to yourself ~ you reclaim the ‘home’ that’s been there all along. After all, ‘home is where the heart is, and your heart is the essence of YOU’.